Monthly Archives: February 2011

Fruit and Pets

I couple of poems I rattled out during my lunch hour!

APPLES AND BANANAS
A pear
Is passing fair
A plum
Appeals to some
A grape
A sweet escape!
A berry
Makes mankind merry
A peach
Is within reach
An apricot
Whyever not?
A tomato
Is a fruit, too–technically a berry,
Which has been described already
As making mankind merry.
A date?
I palpitate!
A melon
Is…for…smellin’?
A lime
Is rhymed with rhyme
A kiwi
Merci! Oui oui!
A pomegranate
Can cure acne…can it?
A tangerine
What can it mean?
A durian
Can’t be taken on the Singapore subway system because of its distinctive odor
(Or should I say di-STINK-tive??)
A kumquat–
(…no. I should not.)
An eggplant:
Another berry, actually.
A currant
Is topical
A pineapple
Tropical
An acai
Is probably a scam, aye?
An ice cream bean:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_Cream_Bean
A lychee
(LIE-chee? LEE-chee?)
Has a strange consistency
A citron
Oh please, come on!
A fig
Is not that big
A coconut
Is okay, but
A dragon fruit
Is AWESOME
An orange
Is actually yet another kind of berry
And a quince
Was not seen since…!

***

TWO OF A KIND
They say that owners start to look like their pets as time goes by
And vice versa.
I have found this to be true,
The explanation is actually very simple:
I’m covered in cat hair,
And Fluffy?
Just totally coated in flakes of human skin.

Birthday Poems for Scott and Jess

Better late than FOREVER!

SCOTT
A little older!
A little bolder!
A little SCOTT.
You can’t spell SCOTT without
TEA
You can’t make TEA without
WATER
WATER THE CHANCES OF THAT?
About twenty-three, in fact!

JESS
Jess Jess Jess
Is the best best best
Yess yess yess
May the rest rest rest
Of your birthdays be good
As well!

A couple more requests!

Slowly but surely, more DEMANDS are met!

 

Sharks
(requested by Andi)

One summer, I went on a marine biology study trip
(Figuratively, of course)
And swam with sharks
(Metaphorical sharks)
The friendships I made during that trip will last a lifetime.
(Lying!)

 

Very Tiny Lizards
(requested by Alison)

When I got home,
I scrubbed under my fingernails
I lathered, I rinsed, and I repeated
Loofahed myself raw with an exfoliating bodywash
I washed my clothes in bleach
I flossed
Used up like twelve Q-Tips
Replaced my contact lenses
Gargled with Listerine–
STILL I could not get rid of them!

10 Ongoing Soup Damage

Fun fact: I have been DMing a D&D campaign this winter! I keep meaning to talk more about D&D, as it is such fun, and I have only done a couple posts about it. I have decided to illustrate a delightful scene!

One member of the party–Keeno, the kobold rogue–decided to do a daring and madcap stunt to sneak into a hill giant banquet hall!

You can read the full description of this event at blogofholding.com!

Requests 3

More DEMANDS!

“GHOSTS” (Requested by Artemas)

 

“MY BUNNY” (requested by Emma)

B is for the Bunny you are
U is for Underneath furniture (the place you want to be)
B is for Bad: Bunnies are Bad and eat sheets and laptop cords.
A is for Admittedly adorable.
S is for Scared-all-the-time
T is for the Timothy hay you got all over my rug when I was babysitting you.
I is for I wanted to hug you!
S is for you Scratching me when I tried.

Requests 2

The next two responses to the responses to my DEMANDS post:

“DESTINY”
(requested by Scott)

Yeahhhh so I have this crush. Okay, so actually I think it’s love. And ughh I just feel like such a total creeper because he is my best friend Lia’s boyfriend’s best friend–I mean he is my friend too–we have all hung out like all the time since freshman year basically–but before, really, Brian was more of Kent’s friend than mine. But  since Lia and Kent started dating this fall, Brian and I have sort of bonded over being “the third wheel and the other third wheel” haha and I feel like maybe there is a connection between us??
But now I have some AP classes and Brian has some extracurriculars that keep him after school so we basically never hang out much any more!!!! I would ask Lia if he likes me but I don’t want her to tell Kent and make things awkward when we DO all hang out (which I know she would I mean they are dating and that’s what you do you tell your significant other EVERYTHING which is good but makes things hard for me right now!!) Anyway, even though we never hang out in real life except for occasionally, we have been chatting a lot online.
Maybe that means something??
So yeah:  I have been typing “I love you” after every single line I write to him (even “lol” and “k” haha) and then deleting it before hitting send. I figure that if I ever forget to delete it that it will be my DESTINY.
~=+Xx0&0xX+=~

“SCIENCE” (requested by Jake)

Requests 1

I demanded requests! The requests demand answers. I have answered 2:

A SAD CEILING FAN (requested by Andi)

He had a penchant for shattering
Sexual
Euphemisms
As obtuse as they were perverse–
Incomprehensible! Ignore him.
Then you wake up in the middle of the night with a bellyache–
Ooh, I get it.
Ugh.

MUSSELS (requested by Alison)