Critique: This is Why You’re Fat

I love a good hypothetical situation. I can’t stop myself from forcing absurd questions and circumstances into the minds of those I love. From the ever-excellent game of Whataboutafellow to hypothetical eating contests (sticks of butter, go! Heads of lettuce, go! Lollipops, go! Slushies, go!) to “what would you do if [___]?” and “Imagine if there were a place that [___]” and so on ad nauseam, this has been my favorite game since I could speak, so I am told.  This amusing comic is me to a T, I freely admit, and I am fortunately blessed with moderately patient friends.


I am sorely disappointed by a popular image blog, because it does not present itself as an honest gross-out contest amongst its fans.

I want the site to be a place that legitimately showcases crazy unhealthy foods that people eat. That is mildly interesting to me (though in practice it winds up being pretty classist, I think!), and it is the way the site seems to present itself. A deep fried mars bar or the KFC DoubleDown are examples of foods that I accept on the site, because they are foods that are bought and sold and eaten.

90% of the content, however, is CLEARLY just fans of the site throwing some bacon and hostess snacks into a hamburger and taking a picture, or deep frying a pile of stuff. And then the readers are supposed to go “Eww, I can’t believe that really exists!!” which is a silly thing to think, because to all effects and purposes, it doesn’t exist. It wouldn’t exist if not for the sake of the picture. It’s an entirely different issue than learning there’s a restaurant actually sells a deep-fried pulled pork sandwich or something.

I really don’t care what food you wasted on a rainy Saturday night after a giggling bacon run to the Big Y with your friends, because I know you then either threw it away, split it between your 10 pals, or gamely choked down a few bites before your friends said that was enough to prove you were a man (or woman!). Or maybe you made it alone. :( At any rate, unless it is a REAL feature of your diet or an item on a menu, I see no reason to go beyond the perfectly entertaining hypothetical attack (“imagine eating GRAVY Popsicles!!! Ewwww!”) and actually waste the cash to make a teetering meter-tall cheeseburger mit pommes frites. The waste is much more sickening to me than the food itself, maybe because I was raised with a”eat every single morsel or you don’t leave the table” mindset. Here are some alternate names for the site:

“This is Why You Need a Hobby”

“Bacon is Hilarious, I am Told!”

“This Would Make You Fat (if you actually ate it)”

“Haha, This is Gross.”


8 responses to “Critique: This is Why You’re Fat

  1. a teetering meter-tall cheeseburger mit pommes frites
    I like the mixture of languages here!

    Ahh, now I see what’s been fueling your hatred for (or lack of amusement at) humorous bacon!

    • That and all the freaking bacon novelty products you can by at places like Faces!! Bacon action figures, bacon band-aids, bacon scratch and sniff, bacon stickers, bacon mints, a meat-themed candyland game, bacon scarves (okay, I think those are fun, but it’s still indicative of a larger issue.) And just look at all the bacon cupcake and cookie recipes you can find these days! Bacon is a dandy addition to many a food, but it is not especially hilarious.

  2. takinthelongway

    Yeah … waste gets on my nerves in a way it didn’t use to. The idea of making a deep-fried gravy sandwich – or, for that matter, making ANYTHING – and just throwing it away is deeply repulsive to me.

    “This Is Why You Need a Hobby” made me seriously LOL until I started coughing. Thanks. I needed that.

  3. I for one like “Bacon is Hilarious, I am Told!” as an alternate title. I used to like that site until the ratio of actual foods people ate to total bullshit concoctions began to lean too heavily toward the messes you might make on a friend’s tray at lunch in fourth grade.

    Having said that, I do maintain that it is possible to peruse that site and still occasionally find a less-than-healthy original food substance that actually sounds delicious. Hint: it almost never involves bacon.

    • Yeah–schoolkids pouring grape juice and gravy onto a tray of mashed potatoes and spaghetti and carrots and stuff sounds about the same!

      I concede that you can still find a satisfyingly plausible and crazy morsel there–But the site is not the BEST way to find cool-if-unhealthy foods. How I halfheartedly bemoan the days when pictures of wacky things weren’t exhaustively collected and presented to the public! Anyone who knew me in high school can attest to my barrages of cute animals, crazy and ugly cakes, and much much more, back when I had to do it the old fashioned way, with image searches!

  4. Pingback: This is Why You’re Fat | We've Seen Better.

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