Monthly Archives: October 2010

Trees Trees Trees

Tonight was super windy, so maybe it will not look like this tomorrow! But it was lovely today.

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Some Birthday Requests and a Bonus Poem

For Meghan, at the request of her sister Alison

Well, today she’s getting older
(She gets older every day)
So today we all applaud her
(Or at least that’s what we say)
Have a happy birthday, Meghan
Have a very happy day
Try and celebrate the moment
While the moment slips away!

 

For Megan, at the request of Megan

Megan, You’re the Bomb!
Three and Twenty Years Ago
October, Ten Days In
Quite the Occasion, Don’t You Know
Until Then, You Were In-
Side of Your Mom.

 

For Jake, at the request of Emma

Just have some CAKE,
For heaven’s SAKE!
Happy BIRTHDAY,
Little JAKE!

 

BONUS POEM

I learned a lesson, the lesson is this:
You can’t rhyme “cat” with “cat”
You can’t “this” with “that”
You can’t rhyme “cab” with “cat”
And nothing rhymes with “orange”
(Except for maybe “door-hinge?”)

Birthday Poems

Two of my friends have had birthdays this week, and I wrote each of them a birthday poem! This one was for my friend Rory:

Today is a birthday.
A birthday, today.
Today is YOUR birthday.
YOUR birthday, hooray.

And this one was for my friend Wiley:

WILEY
HAPPY DAY
BIRTHDAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
HAPPY
WILEY

If you or a loved one would like a birthday poem or a poem for any other occasion/situation, just let me know! Believe it or not, the above poems took approximately NO TIME to write. I’m just that good!

Night Terrors

Shh, shh, it’s okay, sweetheart. Hey. It’s okay, it was just a bad dream, honey, okay? There’s no such thing as Dobby. Shh, it’s alright, Mommy’s here now. Go back to sleep. It’s okay.

Critique: This is Why You’re Fat

I love a good hypothetical situation. I can’t stop myself from forcing absurd questions and circumstances into the minds of those I love. From the ever-excellent game of Whataboutafellow to hypothetical eating contests (sticks of butter, go! Heads of lettuce, go! Lollipops, go! Slushies, go!) to “what would you do if [___]?” and “Imagine if there were a place that [___]” and so on ad nauseam, this has been my favorite game since I could speak, so I am told.  This amusing comic is me to a T, I freely admit, and I am fortunately blessed with moderately patient friends.

However.

I am sorely disappointed by a popular image blog, because it does not present itself as an honest gross-out contest amongst its fans.

http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com/

I want the site to be a place that legitimately showcases crazy unhealthy foods that people eat. That is mildly interesting to me (though in practice it winds up being pretty classist, I think!), and it is the way the site seems to present itself. A deep fried mars bar or the KFC DoubleDown are examples of foods that I accept on the site, because they are foods that are bought and sold and eaten.

90% of the content, however, is CLEARLY just fans of the site throwing some bacon and hostess snacks into a hamburger and taking a picture, or deep frying a pile of stuff. And then the readers are supposed to go “Eww, I can’t believe that really exists!!” which is a silly thing to think, because to all effects and purposes, it doesn’t exist. It wouldn’t exist if not for the sake of the picture. It’s an entirely different issue than learning there’s a restaurant actually sells a deep-fried pulled pork sandwich or something.

I really don’t care what food you wasted on a rainy Saturday night after a giggling bacon run to the Big Y with your friends, because I know you then either threw it away, split it between your 10 pals, or gamely choked down a few bites before your friends said that was enough to prove you were a man (or woman!). Or maybe you made it alone. :( At any rate, unless it is a REAL feature of your diet or an item on a menu, I see no reason to go beyond the perfectly entertaining hypothetical attack (“imagine eating GRAVY Popsicles!!! Ewwww!”) and actually waste the cash to make a teetering meter-tall cheeseburger mit pommes frites. The waste is much more sickening to me than the food itself, maybe because I was raised with a”eat every single morsel or you don’t leave the table” mindset. Here are some alternate names for the site:

“This is Why You Need a Hobby”

“Bacon is Hilarious, I am Told!”

“This Would Make You Fat (if you actually ate it)”

“Haha, This is Gross.”

Ho Hum

Here is a brief, careless, illustrated list of things that fail to entertain me. It is by no means complete, but here you go:

Cthulhu

Comes up all the time! I actually read a bunch of Lovecraft as a preteen, but this Old One really didn’t stick to my ribs the way he has to many others’. In pop art, literature, comics, music…eh!

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On My Desk

I have a tangerine
It is far too orange
The eye is drawn to it
And I cannot bear to watch a tangerine–
There are better things to watch.
That was merely an observation
Was it also
A poem?