Wheeee!

Am I better than you because I bike to work?

Possibly not: For all I know, YOU bike to work, TOO!

I’m kidding, but that was just one  Good Thing about Biking. So, aside from getting to be a smug ass, here is a personalized list of Good Things about biking:

-I know I am helping the environment with every mile I pedal.

-I am getting a solid cardio workout every day.

-I bike past a Coca-Cola Company bottling plant. The air there is redolent with the sweet and eerie scent of Minute Maid, Powerade, Fuze, and Vitamin Water, which churns in vats unseen beyond the factory gates. It’s a pleasantly weird effect, just passing by!

-My big legs are now big STRONG legs.

-I can enjoy the wonderful bike paths they have here.

-I can’t buy more than I can fit in my backpack, which saves money or something I guess!

-The wind in my hair!

The above list is used to hearten me, when I think of the list which follows below:

Bad Things about Biking:

-Boy, I look dumb! I’ve got my helmet (a surprising number of people don’t wear these things—CRAZY people!), my reflective vest, my pant-leg stuffed in my sock, a blinking red light on my bag, I’m all hunched forward, and I have a miserable, pained, determined look on my face.

-If I am biking with my friend Rory, I am actively aware that I have the same bike that he does…but smaller.

-I am sure I will die any—no—every second. Cars are big, fast, deadly, and plentiful.

-People shout at me! People in cars, people on the street. Why? Why do this? “YOW!” they might drunkenly whoop as I fly by; probably the whole looking-like-a-dingus thing. In one instance, a sweet little old lady forgot about her turn signal in an intersection and almost crashed into me. “YOU STUPID BITCH! YOU STUPID FUCKING BICYCLE-BITCH! STUPID, STUPID—“

-I come to work just plastered with sweat!

-Pot holes!

-I can only reasonably travel within a certain radius, making trips out of town difficult and possibly expensive.

-I am always cutting my legs up getting on and off the bike because I am a klutz!

-Ever biked in the rain?

-Ever biked in the dark?

-The cold?

-The hot hot sun??

-Will I even be able to bike in the New England snow? Maybe then I will borrow the family van while it is still mostly in one piece. I wonder if I will still be a better person than you if and when that time comes.

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2 responses to “Wheeee!

  1. I thought about biking to work, but the road between here and there is so crummy that I’d end up walking it most of the way, thus actually taking LONGER than if I walked without dragging my ridiculously heavy steel “NGO bike” (designed for conditions in the developing world, which means HEAVY and no front basket.) But I try to ride it around on weekends. I feel strong and environmentally friendly and superior to all the people who whiz by me on their polluting motorcycles, which allows me to forgive them almost running me into a ditch everyone time they go VROOOOOM and pass me at 7000 miles an hour close enough to push me over.

    Assholes.

  2. Last night I dreamed I was riding my bike just for fun at night into midtown Manhattan. This is actually not a weird or super-difficult thing to do (driving your car, which I did last weekend, is much, much harder), but in my dream it was all crazily Blade-Runner-y and I had to bike on these bridges that were being constantly washed over by huge high waves and also at one point I forgot you can’t ride bikes upstairs so I tried to ride my bike up some stairs and nearly bounced into a river! Then I had to ride my bike through a family’s strange but beautifully-painted apartment because Google Maps told me it was the best way to get to my destination.

    I think it was weirdly BOTH an anxiety dream ab0ut bike-riding AND an anxiety dream about driving a car.

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