You can’t spell “fun” without a blow to the head!

Stick Fighting. Head Tag. Helmet Wars. We haven’t named it yet, but a couple of my friends and I have a new game, which might just be the….

Yes, The Best Game Ever. Here are my two friends who should really be credited with the creation if the sport. I take credit for the addition of helmets and the decision to take it outside. Do not play this game! It is much too dangerous to play.

Or is it?

Here’s how you play: You put on your bicycle helmet. You find a short metal pole (like from an old shower curtain rod). You have your friend do the same. Final step: FIGHT! The aim of the game is to tap (not whack) your opponent on the top of the head, like so:

That gets you a point! The game has a few basic rules. These hinder point-getting, but make the game a little bit less dangerous.

-Only the head gets points; not the face!

-When you score a point, separate from any grapple you are in, or otherwise take a beat before attacking again (the length of this little break depends entirely on the players involved, but should exist to some degree)

-You can grab your opponent’s weapon. (pictured below)

-If you have taken your opponent’s weapon, toss it back before attacking!

-If they drop it, though, fair game. Tap that helmet!

I guess that’s all the rules. There are many different combat styles in The Best Game Ever—three, so far. Here are their default stances:

And here is a brief outline of each of the three combat styles!

A: The Rory Method:

  • Be very  tall (extremely effective)
  • Have long arms (very effective)
  • Never stop hitting (effective)
  • Rush forward (moderately effective)
  • Feint-jab to the stomach (ineffective)
  • Kick in the chest (Don’t!)

B: The Emma Method:

  • Be pretty tall (very effective)
  • Have long arms (very effective)
  • Side-swipe (effective)
  • Endless grapple (could go either way)
  • Caution (moderately effective)

C: The Anna Method:

  • Too aggressive, too competitive (moderately effective at first, progressively less effective)
  • Never lowering the blocking/grappling hand (moderately effective)
  • Rush when they’re not looking (moderately effective)
  • Standing on toes (ineffective)
  • Lying on the ground (not effective at all)
  • Fake-out jab to the face (Don’t! …pretty effective.)

Sure, we’re covered in cuts and bruises. The poles have sharp spots. We ache. Our friends and loved ones look down on us with fear. Sometimes you accidentally jab Emma right THUNK between the eyes with your metal pole and you are like “Undo! I take it back! You hit me and it’ll be even! I can spin this somehow so it is your own fault! None of us own a car so we can’t get to the ER so don’t you dare need to go! Rewind!”  …But you know what? It’s fun. And Emma is fine. Her glasses softened the blow and she continued to beat me. Conclusion: Safe and wholesome.

We’ve got big plans for making this game EVEN BETTER. No small feat. I’ll let you know how that goes.


9 responses to “You can’t spell “fun” without a blow to the head!

  1. The moral of the story is that I love you all. Well done. QED.

  2. Hooray for circular bruises all over my arms! This is by far the best game ever. I would like to point out that screaming “Ow!” is occasionally also an effective tactic.

  3. Hang on: WHERE do you guys do this?

    And when I visit, can I expect to experience this for myself?

  4. We did it in the driveway! In the dark! And tonight we did it in the yard.

    I think you should certainly prepare your battle stance, my friend.

  5. Is there a standard length to the metal pole? And do you know your work schedule?

    • Well, we were using segments of a shower curtain pole. They were about a foot and a half, and nicely and sharp on the ends. Now we’re using wiffle ball bats. Much less painful, but maybe less badass.

  6. This game sounds pretty great! but dangerously close to FIGHT CLUB.

    I like how sweaty everyone is. I thought Emma wasn’t sweaty but it was just the angle of my screen.

  7. Pingback: Rory « Shoot The Sea

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